It is a cold Saturday morning and I do not like what that means about the winter ahead. I am not a fan of the cold. That’s why I live in the south, and would not snark at moving further down the coast.
As is has been for many mornings, I’m hesitant to write this post. I am fairly certain that you’re tired of hearing me talk about my post-show funk. Heaven knows I’m tired of experiencing it. It has been an intense and exhausting experience.
But I am ready and determined to move on.
I think the intensity came in part because it caught me so off guard. I wasn’t prepared for it. That, combined with the aforementioned exhaustion, the shoulder pain and the drugs were a powerful combination. As I’ve been dealing with this over the week, I’ve been trying to put it all in perspective. Why has this had such a lasting impact?
In part, as I told my wife yesterday, I think it was that for over a month in rehearsals and performances I spent every night talking about the death of my best friend. I felt the death. I grieved. Still, I knew he was backstage waiting for our final scene and the curtain call. Then, Sunday it was as if I was grieving again and I knew that I wouldn’t see him again.
Irrational? Totally. We’ve even talked about getting together soon for a beer, and we’re actually reprising our roles at an event in December.
So, I look back and realize that yes, it was the combination of all things. And the reality is, if I can just rest, I’ll be fine. Resting comfortably, however, is a challenge. I managed to sleep through most of last night by icing the shoulder all night long. It works.
But seriously, enough of that. It’s time to move on.
I do not, like Elijah have a juniper tree where I can go and hope to lie down and die. Not that I want to anyway. But it’s good to know that even the prophets of God can get a little down. Look up the reference. It will do you good.
I’m no prophet. But I do know depression. I went through a very serious round of it following my cancer surgery and treatment some twenty-five years ago. It lingered for months, and required lots of help, including professional counseling.
God gave me a very special gift through all of that. While I know that I am still prone to depression, there came a recognition of sorts. Through the years, when depression has begun to creep in, I’ve been able to understand what was happening and therefore make a change. That change is usually rest.
See the issue with the last week?
Still, while it does not happen as often in my life as I would like, and perhaps that’s my own fault, even in my struggles over the past week God gave some reassurances.
Tuesday night, I attended an event in Henrico where some friends were performing. On the way home, I received totally random call from my lifelong best friend. We don’t talk often and it’s usually via email. But as he once described it “Our relationship is still very deep, it’s just not often very wide.”
Scott was calling on behalf of our university with the goal of raising funds for our class reunion gift. We hit 35 years in June. I was not on his list of potential larger donors. In fact, I got on the list because he was told “call the people you want to talk to, but the Fletchers are already sending multiple thousands to the school in tuition.” So, he called. Right when I needed to talk to someone.
Random? I think not.
Scott was there with me when, while touring in Michigan with a ministry team, I received the news that my father had died. We were in each other’s weddings. Years later, I drove to Pennsylvania to help him say goodbye to his father. It was absolutely the right thing to do.
I don’t believe in coincidence. God knew that I needed to hear from someone who has been a rock in my life for decades.
It doesn’t stop there.
Later in the week I was chatting with school friends on Facebook. I knew one of them does a lot of acting and directing so I sent him a private message and asked “Tom, do you ever grieve over the end of a show?”
He assured me that he absolutely did. And we had time to discuss what it was like to devote so much time and energy to project and then suddenly it’s over. Then we agreed that, one day, we will act together.
Coincidence? Again I think not.
Finally, yesterday’s reading took me through Lamentations 3. If you know the passage, you know where I’m going with this.
It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
– Lamentations 3:22-23
How absolutely perfect.
It’s a new morning. A new day.
While I still grieve the show, while I’m still in pain, while I’m still exhausted, God’s mercies, and peace, are new for me this morning.
I realize there is a great deal of vulnerability in this post. Some who are not believers may think I’m being a little silly. That’s okay. Jesus told us you would.
My theater cohorts might also think that I’m overreacting, that it’s just another show, that more opportunities abound.
There’s also truth in that. Although I suspect some will say “I know exactly how you feel.”
Either way. We all have to move on.
Today is about catching up on writing assignments, about de-leafing the front yard, and about learning music for a callback audition for my next, yes next, show.
It doesn’t actually help that this particular musical makes Les Miserables seem like a feel-good comedy. But it’s a beautiful show.
I am determined to move forward. I’m determined to beat this shoulder pain. I am determined to get some rest.
To my favorite author, actor, artist: I loved this, and I am right (write) there with you! Thanks for the gift of your vulnerability; it means a lot to me, and I suspect, to many! WIsh I could have seen your show. . .. it looked fabulous.
{"id":null,"mode":"button","open_style":"in_place","currency_code":"USD","currency_symbol":"$","currency_type":"decimal","blank_flag_url":"https:\/\/thewritesideofmybrain.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/blank.gif","flag_sprite_url":"https:\/\/thewritesideofmybrain.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/tip-jar-wp\/\/assets\/images\/flags\/flags.png","default_amount":500,"top_media_type":"featured_image","featured_image_url":"https:\/\/thewritesideofmybrain.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/beachcoffee-200x118.jpg","featured_embed":"","header_media":null,"file_download_attachment_data":null,"recurring_options_enabled":true,"recurring_options":{"never":{"selected":true,"after_output":"One time only"},"weekly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every week"},"monthly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every month"},"yearly":{"selected":false,"after_output":"Every year"}},"strings":{"current_user_email":"","current_user_name":"","link_text":"Buy me a cup of coffee.","complete_payment_button_error_text":"Check info and try again","payment_verb":"Pay","payment_request_label":"The Write Side of My Brain","form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","general_server_error":"Something isn't working right at the moment. Please try again.","form_title":"The Write Side of My Brain","form_subtitle":null,"currency_search_text":"Country or Currency here","other_payment_option":"Other payment option","manage_payments_button_text":"Manage your payments","thank_you_message":"Thank you for being a supporter!","payment_confirmation_title":"The Write Side of My Brain","receipt_title":"Your Receipt","print_receipt":"Print Receipt","email_receipt":"Email Receipt","email_receipt_sending":"Sending receipt...","email_receipt_success":"Email receipt successfully sent","email_receipt_failed":"Email receipt failed to send. Please try again.","receipt_payee":"Paid to","receipt_statement_descriptor":"This will show up on your statement as","receipt_date":"Date","receipt_transaction_id":"Transaction ID","receipt_transaction_amount":"Amount","refund_payer":"Refund from","login":"Log in to manage your payments","manage_payments":"Manage Payments","transactions_title":"Your Transactions","transaction_title":"Transaction Receipt","transaction_period":"Plan Period","arrangements_title":"Your Plans","arrangement_title":"Manage Plan","arrangement_details":"Plan Details","arrangement_id_title":"Plan ID","arrangement_payment_method_title":"Payment Method","arrangement_amount_title":"Plan Amount","arrangement_renewal_title":"Next renewal date","arrangement_action_cancel":"Cancel Plan","arrangement_action_cant_cancel":"Cancelling is currently not available.","arrangement_action_cancel_double":"Are you sure you'd like to cancel?","arrangement_cancelling":"Cancelling Plan...","arrangement_cancelled":"Plan Cancelled","arrangement_failed_to_cancel":"Failed to cancel plan","back_to_plans":"\u2190 Back to Plans","update_payment_method_verb":"Update","sca_auth_description":"Your have a pending renewal payment which requires authorization.","sca_auth_verb":"Authorize renewal payment","sca_authing_verb":"Authorizing payment","sca_authed_verb":"Payment successfully authorized!","sca_auth_failed":"Unable to authorize! Please try again.","login_button_text":"Log in","login_form_has_an_error":"Please check and fix the errors above","uppercase_search":"Search","lowercase_search":"search","uppercase_page":"Page","lowercase_page":"page","uppercase_items":"Items","lowercase_items":"items","uppercase_per":"Per","lowercase_per":"per","uppercase_of":"Of","lowercase_of":"of","back":"Back to plans","zip_code_placeholder":"Zip\/Postal Code","download_file_button_text":"Download File","input_field_instructions":{"tip_amount":{"placeholder_text":"How much would you like to tip?","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How much would you like to tip? Choose any currency."},"invalid_curency":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please choose a valid currency."}},"recurring":{"placeholder_text":"Recurring","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"}},"name":{"placeholder_text":"Name on Credit Card","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please enter the name on your card."}},"privacy_policy":{"terms_title":"Terms and conditions","terms_body":null,"terms_show_text":"View Terms","terms_hide_text":"Hide Terms","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."},"unchecked":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please agree to the terms."},"checked":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."}},"email":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"not_an_email_address":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Make sure you have entered a valid email address"}},"note_with_tip":{"placeholder_text":"Your note here...","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"not_empty_initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"saving":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Saving note..."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Note successfully saved!"},"error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to save note note at this time. Please try again."}},"email_for_login_code":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."}},"login_code":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."}},"stripe_all_in_one":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"success":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"invalid_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is not a valid credit card number."},"invalid_expiry_month":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration month is invalid."},"invalid_expiry_year":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is invalid."},"invalid_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is invalid."},"incorrect_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incorrect."},"incomplete_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incomplete."},"incomplete_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incomplete."},"incomplete_expiry":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration date is incomplete."},"incomplete_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code is incomplete."},"expired_card":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card has expired."},"incorrect_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incorrect."},"incorrect_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code failed validation."},"invalid_expiry_year_past":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is in the past"},"card_declined":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card was declined."},"missing":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"There is no card on a customer that is being charged."},"processing_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"An error occurred while processing the card."},"invalid_request_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to process this payment, please try again or use alternative method."},"invalid_sofort_country":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The billing country is not accepted by SOFORT. Please try another country."}}}},"fetched_oembed_html":false}
1 comments
To my favorite author, actor, artist: I loved this, and I am right (write) there with you! Thanks for the gift of your vulnerability; it means a lot to me, and I suspect, to many! WIsh I could have seen your show. . .. it looked fabulous.