My Chipwrecked Afternoon

Generally the price of admission and popcorn limits our trips to the Cineplex to see first run movies. With Netflix and On Demand it’s almost just as easy to wait a few months. There are notable exceptions, Harry Potter for example, and can I buy my tickets for The Hobbit yet?

But this past weekend my wife, after having just returned from a weeklong business trip, left in a dash for Kentucky where our college sophomore son was parting with his appendix. We considering both going, but in the end I stayed home to care for the younger son and the livestock.

Needless to say the almost-12-year-old was disappointed that Mom was leaving again so soon. I needed a diversion and suggested a movie.

“Great, I want to see Chipwrecked.”

(wince)

I admit that when I was eight I had the Chipmunks singing “On Top of Spaghetti” on a 45 (you do the math). But these days when their Christmas song comes on, the only thing that makes me turn the dial quicker is ‘I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas.”

How about “War Horse?” Or “We still haven’t seen The Muppets.”

But there was no persuasion. So I braced myself thinking that surely it couldn’t be any worse than Squeaquel.

I. Was. Wrong

Not since the Yoda/Saruman smackdown in Star Wars: Episode I have I looked at my watch so many times and prayed for a movie to be over. [Editors note:  My elder son corrected me.  I was thinking of Star Wars: Episode II:  Attack of the Clones.  I told him I’d just been repressing painful memories.]

Here’s the basic idea. Dave takes the Chipmunks and the Chipettes on a vacation cruise. Nothing could go wrong, right?

Obviously you’ve never seen the Chipmunks.

Of course things went wrong and Dave, the Chipmunks and the Chipettes, along with Ian in a pelican suit end up stranded on a tropical island that just happens to be an active volcano ready to erupt. While there they meet a crazy woman who has been stranded there for years.

Toss in the requisite cultural references to Cast Away, Lost and even Charlie Sheen and you’ve got the whole movie.

I will confess that toward the end when it looked like the volcano was going to blow before they escaped that I caught myself tensing up before I had an “Oh good grief” moment before they actually escaped. I did not spoil the movie. It’s a kids movie, of course they get out.

Unfortunately for me, they escaped before I did.

There, I just saved you $10.00 and two hours of your life.